September has the energy of new beginnings in my world. the conditioning of all those years of starting a fresh school year stayed with me. so, a year ago I tried an experiment. I set an intention in September to see how it played out.
the intention that I set was to follow my own inner guidance no matter what. it took me on some interesting journeys, created a lot of changes in a good way. it was also very challenging at times. I found myself in situations where my inner guidance was in conflict with my not wanting to create waves and keeping peace with people or to keep them happy by bending to what they wanted. unfortunately, I was giving my power away to keep the peace. when that happens it is always a temporary peace.
one of the biggest challenges I faced was in a group that I started. it was a private group, invite by invitation only because we had a purpose behind getting together. We all met on a forum and the energies there went a bit awry so we decided to form our own group. we kept it private because the members were practicing their intuition and psychic skills and not all were ready to be open with their talents. my philosophy has always been everyone gets a chance. so I invited anyone and everyone who had belonged to the other forum. even those my intuition said may not be the best idea, but everyone gets a chance. turned out that others involved in the group did not have the same philosophy and there was a lot of discussion about who gets to join and who does not. I had no idea that was going on behind the scenes. when I did find out, I realized pretty quickly that my intention for the group was already being sabotaged.
the players in the behind the scenes deciding who gets to be involved and who does not must have had a falling out. because I was told by one of them what was going on and it was pointed out to me how the other one was posting messages that did not follow the guidelines of the group which was simply to be positive and respectful in their interactions with other members.
I realized that all groups have their growing pains before the cohesion takes place. so, I tried my best to mediate and understand and answer all the e-mails I was getting from people regarding the group. it became time and energy intensive. my husband got vented to a lot.
so, back to the two players in this scenario that may have had a falling out. I had to remind one of the guidelines of the group which was to be respectful in their interactions, even of others who are not part of the group. did NOT go over well. this person was one of the ones that my guidance said would cause me issues. so I was not surprised. what did surprise me was the reaction of the other person. She seemed bent on getting the one to leave the group, but I was to be the one to do that. I received every e-mail that was sent to her by the other one and who knows if editing took place or not. Considering the other one thought they were good friends this was not exactly nice. it also came to light that the whole reason these two decided they were in charge of deciding who got to be in the group and who did not was because there was another person that they both did not like and it was all to scheme to keep her out of the loop about our group so that she could not join. the joke on them is that she knew about it all along and chose not to join. smart idea on her part.
so, I got all caught up in this mess, it was stressful, childish and energy-sucking. drama, drama, drama. it was after the dust settled on this, that I created the intention that I would follow my inner guidance no matter what. I do not regret what happened, I still believe that everyone gets a chance.
so what did happen? well when the dust sort of settled on that~took a while. the one person left the group. the other one that had sent me all the e-mails etc… who I really thought was in alignment with me and a good friend turned out not to be. by then I was not surprised. I dissolved the group a few months later. I could not handle all the behind the scenes stuff. the telling me that this person said this or did this and now the other person did not want to be part of the group. etc….
I was also a little side swiped by the e-mails that I got from others who did not know the details of what really happened who sent me lengthy e-mails judging my decisions. I chose to thank them very much, but I made my decisions based on my heart and what was best for the group and myself as the facilitator. the only person who knows all the details of what really went on is my husband. his advice was actually the best. I chose not to let everyone else know how messy and the details of the drama.
it was following my inner guidance that I dissolved the group. the reaction I got was interesting too. I was told by the one who was involved in all the drama ( that I thought was in alignment with me) that it was against my vibe to end the group. I am not even sure what that means. I told her that she should start her own group, that perhaps she would be a way better facilitator than myself. since drama is not something I choose to create or participate in. I did not say that I was tired of her stirring up the crap while hiding so that no one knew it was her. a lot of the e-mails i was getting by then were a result of things she was doing. what I really feel is that she was po’d at me because I did not include her in my decision to dissolve the group. a wonderful lesson for me.
one of the unfortunate things is that I ended my connections with a lot of the people involved in this group simply because I was feeling raw about the whole situation and a little hurt that not one of the members asked me if I was OK, or expressed any concern over what may be going on with me as to why I chose to let go of the group. That was very informative also.
I think everyone who was involved in that group is a fabulous worthwhile and amazing person. but I had to follow my own inner guidance and do what was best for me. I take things to heart too much, and trying to soothe ruffled egos and peace keep is not something I love to do. In small doses yes. not in large ones. It was such a relief to me to be done with it. it was a huge lesson learned, and choosing to follow my inner guidance no matter what was the greatest gift I received out of all of it.
now that it is September I am working on intentions for this year. Following my own inner guidance no matter what will always be at the top of the list. I am also adding saying yes to opportunities even if they scare me.
hugs to all